crappings

2006-09-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

2006-09-16T01:21:00.000+08:00

bored.

2006-09-13T23:08:00.000+08:00

this letter made me cry.

i think its something like what my mom would write, maybe i'll show it to her tommorow and hope she doesn't cry like i do.

on the issue of mentally handicapped siblings, i'd like to think tt my brother preserves the empathy and feeling in me.he's this soft, emotionally protected spot in me that keeps me from being a worse person that i SO easily could become (my mean streak, i'm impatient, i use people, i spend too much money).plus, a friend of mine said my bro looked like harry potter.harry potter's special.

in the middle of this madness, i'm grateful for debra and amanda for being so supportive/helpful/funny.i saw debs today at e lift and we had a chat (boys, foreign countries etc) for 15 mins while her food got cold, and it made me feel sooo much better.and amanda is so sweet and encouraging over msn, it makes me feel so loved.

damn pms hormones are making my lachcrymal ducts wonky.

p/s: i found a lund blog! it says e pace of life there is SUPER slow, only 2 classes a week, u cycle everywhere.its all grass and greenery.ask me for e add!

2006-09-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

its IE A class now, and i'm bored and hungry. hope my milo will last me through the next hour.

the days are seriously going by in a daze.yesterday night i slept from 930-1100pm, woke up and finished hwk frm 1130pm-230 am and went back to sleep again.ughs.

My projectmates wanted to book a certain gsr in SESS on a SUNDAY...when they realised
"uhh its booked by ur boyfriend"
-embarassment msn icons pop out-

off to listen to the drone about regional trade agreements in class.

i'm learning everyday that no one is really there for you except yourself.there's no point in hoping for someone to be there for you, when all u have is yourself.

2006-09-12T02:12:00.000+08:00

C just informed me of this hidden little restaurant near my place, no wait, a STONE's throw from my place the Miss U Cafe it looks pretty good/affordable.i wanna bring J there. if he thinks there is still an "us" [no comments].

yesterday night was the first time i dreamt of dying in all my 21 years. it was so vivid, the walls were a deep shade of blue, the blanket was baby blue. I remember being wheeled in and praying for my "operation" to be a success, and then all went blank, and i "awoke" to see the doctor (who suspiciously looked like dora low) telling my parents that i was gone, unable to be revived. i saw the blinds on the side of the window, the orange gerberas by the table, then i screamed and woke up.

all this would seem a leetle too morbid for me, if i had not watched the grey's anatomy NEW season 3 trailer before sleeping.how powerful the effect of priming is on us.

this photo just resonates in its loneliness and absence of thought and poignancy..trains have that effect on you.she takes beautiful photos.show some love.sorry couldnt resist =)

2006-09-11T01:13:00.000+08:00

Oresund Bridge between Denmark and Sweden

i thought about this for a long time.what it would be like to take the train across this wide expanse of water, I always imagine it to be super cold, and i'll look out the window and feel sad that i'm seeing this with strangers.

damn i'm so dramatic.

final round of talks with parents tomorrow again before i confirm my decision.

emotions are shackling me, even now.if i can't leave it will be cos everything emotion-related is tying me down.the boyfriend( do i want to test this relationship?), family (i'll miss them, pine for them, sister told me not to go just now), friends ( there is no one i know going with me).and then i think of pple who made it wout their loved ones.shu'an.nat.

and then i'm confused all over again.debra says deep down in my heart i know i want to go, but i can't bring myself to accept it.the scariest thing is, i prayed to God so many times for signs that i should go, and he replied promptly every time.

haaarumphs.

2006-09-09T22:24:00.000+08:00

when it comes to people i don't like i have no people skills at all.
i don;t know how to convince/cajole them to do work.
this could so easily make me racist, if i don't remember TJ girls like vaidehi and sarita and how they made JC life so colourful and interesting.

but still, i can't help wishing how things could be SO much better if i had someone like Ray, my friend frm sch of IS as a project mate for FA (he lost e bid, sadly).first of all,
- he'd do a decent powerpoint
- he would not feign IGNORANCE at how to do a powerpoint
- he'd take more initiative to work
- he wouldn't lose his laptop
- i would nopt have to think of ways to ask them to help me do the ppt without giving away that i am very pissed and trying desperately to maintain civility.

ayeee school woes.

am kind of sleepy after a very full jap dinner for the sister's birthday.got her a crumpler bag.stuffed myself full of chocolate cake.thought about sweden.and then thought about how its like fundamental attribution error: i wanna go away not cos i rly want to, but cos sch's giving me a headache recently and i want to get away from all this madness, and when i really do, perhaps i'll wanna stay and get caught up in this madness again.

the stress of it is showing.i snapped at a rude waitress during dinner, and when i saw her flinch i felt this twinge of smug self-satisfaction. its horrible i know, and so s2006-unbecoming.aiyah i'll be nice to 10 more waitresses to make up for my momentary loss of self-control.

off to nap for awhile, than wake up and conquer FA chapter 3!

2006-09-04T23:33:00.000+08:00

a little superstition

okay so today is not a good day.after e fun filled weekend where all e good things came in threes.

today after being late for DMA again, i found out steve irwin died.a childhood icon whom u immortalized against images of tame snapping jaws of crocodiles.

next i found out i was bypassed for my 1st choice of exchange (uk).and i can't remember why i put the second, which i now i have.i tried to look out for the signs today.like a Marks and Spencer's sign on the city hall mrt doors.like a manchester united jersey i saw on the train.but to no avail.it just was not meant to be.

and then when i went home and told my parents (who then started thinking of my travel arrangements) and then after that when we watching tv.. my mom casually said "oh look the IKEA catalogue is finally here".In my face. = (

sigh a year wait to re-apply and back to square one.but its okay.congrats to everyone who got their first choice.

Also after that in FA class TTM suddenly said "oh i look forward to seeing group 1's presentation next week" . Mabel and I and Zing all stared at each other and exclaimed "OMG tt's us!" waah thanks Adam the yr 1 Call rep for conveniently putting e grp w all e seniors first, on e week w e first test and presentation.

maybe one day i'll die of all the angst i own.in the meanwhile i'll wait patiently for the sarcasm to drip out of every word in this post i've written.

2006-09-02T15:48:00.000+08:00

best weekend ever =)

went clubbing, wakeboarding, bbq-ing mahjong.like i'm determined to make up for such a horrid 2nd week in school.

school sucks!

2006-09-02T15:45:00.001+08:00

MOSsing on friday.

2006-09-02T15:45:00.000+08:00

silver balls and purple lights.

2006-09-02T15:44:00.000+08:00

chloe and larissa, who always arrive early and leave early.j thinks chloe looks really pretty in this photo. =)

2006-09-02T15:42:00.000+08:00

there was an old uncle and aunty hitting the floor with their salsa moves.go uncle and aunty!

2006-09-02T15:41:00.000+08:00

my jc pal, L who stuck with me through e horrible As.

2006-09-02T15:40:00.000+08:00

j and me. he absolutely LOVES retro music, as i found out only recently.

2006-09-02T15:38:00.000+08:00

my shoes HURT too badly, so i took them off in the retro room.

2006-09-02T15:37:00.000+08:00

going home.am flushed and partially incoherent.

2006-08-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

its really a strange week of sorts.

strange things tt happened/i found out:

in a queer role reversal, Leafy is taking history of south east asia while sue has just successfully bidded for FA.

a very good friend of mine in SMU just got attached.YAY.damn happy lah.-throws confetti in air-

i got SUPER angry w J and he didnt blame me or say tt i was unreasonable about it.he's so.... understanding about it.i can't believe my luck.i think it means he cares for/loves me.

i also got a new train buddy, ray.haha.thanks for e laughs on e train home today!

denise thought ade and terry were breaking into my locker today.

a long lost bgs/ltb/comms/as/ct classmate asked me out for a meeting recently.weird, as though i get along quite well with this classmate, its just weird going out alone with this classmate.

i'm having a seriously warped week!

2006-08-29T21:48:00.000+08:00

i had a bad day

sad. so many things went wrong today.feel so exhausted and e prospect of grumpy old augustine nxt morning is so unappealing.hate his stupid pro govt crap.

the silver lining in e cloud is tt i'm grudgingly beginning to like FA.i say grudgingly well cos i always think accountancy is boring mind-numbing numbers crap ( and so are e pple who study it). but i do see a tiny glimmer of relevance to life, and it makes me more motivated to study it.

other than bidding is a bitch.sigh.

tmr shall dress nicely and try to forget i had a bad day.

2006-08-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

Your Career Personality: Quiet, Sevice -Oriented, and Practical

Your Ideal Careers:

Artist
Chef
Concierge
Esthetician
Forest Ranger
Gardener
Geologist
Jewelry designer
Pediatrician
Teacher

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

gardener?!geologist?! gulp.

You Should Get a PhD in Liberal Arts (like political science, literature, or philosophy)

You're a great thinker and a true philosopher.
You'd make a talented professor or writer.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

ooooh.yayness.

just went out for supper with J.things haven't been so good, but we're trying really hard, and i'm trying my best to understand tt he needs time to adjust to uni life.plus i'm superly apprehensive abt exchange, constant reminders of death around me have made me not a not so happy camper.

recently an iconic KC teacher, Cik Rathia passed away.its ironic that one of the most well loved symbols of our (repressive) convent school was a hefty muslim woman in a tudung. but then again, convent life was always beset with irony; they had students who hated chinese, but had the most dedicated chinese lang deparment, they preached simplicity, virtuousness, feminity and purity (read: virginity) but our butches, lians and street hardened students who hung out at 7 eleven after school or kissed the boys across the road were anything but.

you know how they say life gets much more complicated as you grow out of ur teenage years? well life grew much simpler after i left katong convent.

i digress.i remember Cik Rathia for the way she struck fear into our young hearts during PE lessons.Now, she could never run, being the hefty-sized woman she was, but every command was barked out with military precision..especially "Cikgu Rathia's fave exercise! DOWN 2, 3, 4", which consisted of a weird kind of one-legged squat.how when she scolded us her eyes would flash, like they could lash out and singe our too short skirts or untucked pe shirt.

we'll always remember her.

2006-08-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

yawn.

i've discovered the perfect cure to my insomnia..social cognition readings!!

The ambiguous behaviors were selected on the basis of 2 criteria: 1st, the mean hostility ratings of each ambiguous behavior was lower than the mean rating of any behaviour identified as hostile andhigher than any behaviour identified as non-hostile; second the standard deviation of pretest ratings for each ambiguous item was greater than the largest standard deviation of any item in either of the other 2 groups.

argh.it does make sense after awhile, but it puts me to sleep.hee.

2006-08-26T03:23:00.001+08:00

acceptance for exchange for us/canada have come out.

i didn't get any email, so i know i'm NOT going to us.goodbye UMN.

the suspense is killing me.Debra sent me an email with a large red FUCCCCKKKK emblazoned all over the body the email.silently i echoed her sentiments.

i'm feeling emo and can't sleep.

2006-08-26T03:23:00.000+08:00

2006-08-25T11:20:00.000+08:00

i have a sudden craving for wood-fire oven pizza from spizza.or any wood-fire oven.or even pastamania.

i'm at home today.the past 4 days in school have the most hectic and stressed of my school life.the days whizzed past in a blur.suddenly i have new textbooks, potentially risky groupmates, lots of new and foreign readings.emotionally unprepared, my immune system has begun to break down, and today i woke up to a slightly aching throat and a a nose chock full of green-yellow mucus.

i love cupcakes! aren't these adorable?? from roomfordessert , a local bakeshop.if i'm not wrong, i believe mimi's birthday cake came frm this shop. their carrot cake has been featured on chubbyhubby too, and they even have carrot cake cupcakes.hehehe.

as u can see i'm rather hungry now.off to binge on timtams and taiwanese instant noodles =)

2006-08-24T01:27:00.000+08:00

spew.

hey.its been a superly busy hectic week.timetable in a mess, there's dark clouds in paradise while j and i try desperately to settle into school, i have not enough sleep.

and the homework is piling up.

my class gave me problems on the first day of ta work (damn these preassigned modules).

other than that, its great seeing everyone again! -love- missed everyone.an example of how much i have missed out.

shawn: why dont u ask minsi* to sign up for u?
me: huh who's minsi*?

* vice director of bizcom and my smelly friend.

2006-08-22T22:35:00.000+08:00

the depressed/angsty/suicidal playlist

"we might as well be strangers" keane
" tears and rain" james blunt
"qing tian" jay chou
"eve, the apple of my eye" bell x1
" the city lights" umbrellas
"never leave your heart alone" butterfly boucher
"'tiny vessels" death cab for cutie
" wreck of the day" anna nalick
" blind" lifehouse
"same side of the moon" corrinne may

2006-08-21T00:30:00.000+08:00

girly post ahead

ok sharon wanted to see e stuff i got frm taipei.haha.i like my new stuff.of cos its does not compare to e loot liquid_bohemia lugged home frm bkk.

2006-08-21T00:22:00.000+08:00

i lost this damn nice A & F cap can.i think its god's way of telling me i bought too many things.haha.

2006-08-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

earrings! had 8 pairs, but gave 3 away =) my fave is e black and white one.thinking of giving away the gold, red stripe-y one as a present cos it was an impulse buy.anyone likes it?

2006-08-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

my sparse shopping sprees. =)

2006-08-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

most expensive, guilt ridden purchase.adidas sweater at 30% off.wei has e same one.haha.

2006-08-20T23:56:00.000+08:00

bimbotic accessories.

2006-08-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

my only 2 pairs of shoes frm taipei.i like them so much!

2006-08-19T12:10:00.000+08:00

rollerblading! =)

2006-08-19T12:09:00.000+08:00

cam-whoring in my car.hahaha.

2006-08-19T02:09:00.000+08:00

things have been going pretty alright.

went rollerblading w my fave friends yesterday.it was so fun yet so vulnerable.i fell a couple of times, but by the end of it all..i could skate in small baby steps.yay! leanrt smthg new.hehe.ok and plus e fact A and S were holding my hands for an hr plus as we skated.

after that i drove A and S to lunch at Jln Tua Kong Mee Pok at simpang, followed by simpang prata, and then it was movie marathon at my house w ice cream.so fun!!!

on another note, my best pal Weilin is gg to exchange in Norway, with a $3000 no bonds study grant thing.congrats wei.i am so happy for her, yet i can't help but feel a tinge of sadness, cos it means i won't be going with her for exchange.

school is starting soon.which i am quite glad given the depressed anti social funk i've been in, i can't wait to go back to school and use my brain, get into the rat race (and drop out again miserably). i've packed my pencil case, thought of what outfits to wear to sch next week, arranged lunch with J. its exciting at the thought of the near identical tuesday timetable j and i share, my first time as a TA, first time taking so many xiong modules, new classmates i'd missed.yayness.

2006-08-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

saddened.

maybe i should start getting used to this when school, reopens, a taste of things to come.

maybe i will bid for Globalization of World Politics, Financial Acctg to add to

International Economics
Social Cognition
Design, Measurement and Analysis in Psychology

burying myself in schoolwork will be such a relief.

2006-08-14T14:25:00.000+08:00

be afraid, be very afraid.

as usual before sch starts i always get a shocker in the email from my profs-to-be.

Hi All,

Welcome to my course. The material for Week 1 is now available for download on SMUVista.

Download the course outline file: in it you will find the weekly schedule, assessment/grading methods, reading list etc. The list of projects will be released later. Remember to form your project groups [5-6] asap.

The "Full Pdf…" files are in color and you can scroll through like slides
The "4pg Pdf…" files are in black and white and are meant for printouts [set at 4 slides per page]

Cheers
AT

argh.go away.i also checked the list of classmates to be..and i feel sad already.

anyway, taipei pics are below.i miss it so much.my first taste of pseudo independence, the shopping, how much my chinese improved (i can now hold a decent conversation in a social setting!)

2006-08-14T04:10:00.000+08:00

on our first trip away frm home! L-R: the pple who came to send us off, J and angie. 3 of us on the place messin ard w my cam.our lovely host's apartment (she stays in e mountain) the OK supermart just across our accomodation, Qizhang mrt, where we usually took a bus there and travelled mostly frm this station.

2006-08-14T04:07:00.000+08:00

CKS memorial.big and grand.and super hot.first culture shock: taipei is SOOO hot.

2006-08-14T04:05:00.000+08:00

after CKS memorial, we adjourned to the Original Din Tai Fung restaurant a 20 min walk away.boy was it good! e XLBs are slightly juicier, e ginger is in finer shreds, and e service is 10x better.i'm a happy girl.

2006-08-14T04:00:00.000+08:00

I was e proud discoverer of this really nice ramen shop in Gongguan night mkt on our 2nd day =)

2006-08-14T03:58:00.000+08:00

Ximenting!!! the Far East/Orchard Road for the young hip and trendy taiwanese youth.

2006-08-14T03:57:00.000+08:00

L-R: ximen station, hot and sour soup, guo tie and veg deumplings (super cheap), Dora eating orh luak mee sua (oyster mee sua), Dora and I, Lao Tian Lu braised specialities (duck wing, feet, heart, stomach), I had a chicken wing; Dora had a duck foot, signboard, catch a soft toy game(they were everywhere!)

2006-08-14T03:39:00.001+08:00

the national palace museum! long, hot sweltering walk up the driveway to see e chinese artifacts.

2006-08-14T03:39:00.000+08:00

very sneakily taken pictures of the chinese pottery they have there.some look like chinatown replicas.bwhahaha.

2006-08-14T03:35:00.000+08:00

visited taipei 101 but refused to pay $15 for e observation tower.ripoffs!see how stately and tall e tower is.and how blue e sky is! 35 C deg weather and not a cloud in the sky.stepping out of taipei 101, the wind was hot, acrid and dry.

2006-08-14T03:33:00.000+08:00

visited the Eslite bookstore after taipei 101.biggest bookshop in taipei.

2006-08-14T03:31:00.000+08:00

what is taiwan wthout its famed street food? from L-R: famous blue label deep fried crispy chicken, oyster omelette in some brown sauce, bak kut teh, da bing bao xiao bing (big biscuit in little biscuit), which was a beef slice coated in biscuit batter, smashed and rolled up, popiah style(sucked). at jiufen: smoothing out crushed peanut candy on a crepe with was rolled up w 2 icecream scoops, and 5-ball vermincelli soup.

2006-08-14T03:23:00.000+08:00

28th July: we took a train out of Taipei to Jiufen, buying a ticket for an electric tram to Ruifang (you could choose 4 kinds of trains), and then taking a bus up into the mountain of Jiufen.i love trains!

2006-08-14T03:19:00.000+08:00

Jiufen is a nice little mining town built into the mountain slopes.its a bit too kitschy and touristy for my liking, as the shops in the cobbled lanes are selling ALOT of tourist stuff, but e scenery and views are a nice refreshing change frm the busy taipei city.

2006-08-14T03:16:00.000+08:00

a first i was a little puzzled why a taiwanese friend of dora's reccomended this little nondescript dessert shop high up in e steps.ignoring the blatantly obvious picture outside and e chinese sign, which i cant read..we went in and found a...

2006-08-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

wonderful of view of Jiufen, high up in e mountains, and eating a nice yam ball dessert with green and red bean and peanut topping.with ice.

2006-08-14T03:12:00.000+08:00

chomping on deliciously grilled squid at Jiufen.it had lots of chilli powder and calamansi juice.

2006-08-14T03:10:00.000+08:00

upgrade to a much better train than e tram we took for only S$0.50.fifty cents only.

2006-08-14T03:09:00.000+08:00

on the train home frm Jiufen back to Taipei and it was off to meet up w some taiwanese friends to explore Shida night market.

2006-08-14T03:02:00.000+08:00

with the help of our taiwanese friends, they brought us to this little back alley korean restaurant at Shida night market.omg the food is SO good. we had e humongous beef bbq, lots of side dishes (seaweed, kimchi, tofu, vermincelli) yummy tofu soup, all for as little as $4 a person.gosh my mouth still waters when i think about the piquant soy vinegar tt we dipped e beef slices in, the succulent marinated beef and cabbage.we went there twice, and each time the queues are long and the restaurant always packed.

2006-08-14T03:00:00.000+08:00

mango ice at shida night market.i ate e whole 3 flavour one (kiwi + strawberry +mango) by myself.almost died in the indulgence.

2006-08-14T02:54:00.000+08:00

dora's taiwanese friends who kindly brought us around Shida night market and to the superb korean restaurant.the girl on the left is a history major, the 2 on the right are a couple, frm medical sch in National Taiwan University.so smart!

2006-08-14T02:49:00.000+08:00

on the most tiring day..we took a bus up to yangmingshan (lamb name mountain?), took a shuttle round the mountain (which is so picturesque i cld go there again) and picked this particular peak to take a long uphill trek.GOD, was it long.i must have been at least a 1km trek uphill.there were so many steps.we took like 4-5 rest stops on e way up.at one point i believe i went on my hands and knees and crawled up.hahahha.

2006-08-14T02:46:00.000+08:00

we passed abt 2 of these v.hot sulphur rocks on e trek up.the sulphur steam is SO smelly.after i took this photo i had to walk up e stairs and past tt cloud of steam.i inhaled some =(

2006-08-14T02:43:00.000+08:00

yay we made it!!!in inappropriate footwear but who cares.

2006-08-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

the view is worth it!!!.i felt all my worries and burdens just dissipate into the cooling mountain air....

2006-08-14T02:39:00.000+08:00

BUT dammit i'm so tired now and there's still the 1km trek down the bloody mountain.in birks w super worn soles. =(

2006-08-14T02:38:00.000+08:00

a cute shot of my tavelling partners.the faint steam in e backgrd is frm e sulphur rocks.notice e footwear.which nearly caused us to trip and fall a few times up and down w mountain steps and their intimidating crevasses.scary!

2006-08-14T02:35:00.000+08:00

on the superly long trek down, i met Jasper, who was climbing up w his gf.i also noticed his gf was wearing birkies, i secretly wished her good luck as my birks proved to be v.slippery on e slopes.anyway what are e chances of mtg ur friend on Yangmingshan!!!

2006-08-14T02:31:00.000+08:00

after our long ardous trek up yangmingshan, it was a long train ride to northernmost taipei and to Danshui's Fisherman's Wharf. This is the bridge of love in the Fisherman's Wharf.

2006-08-14T02:29:00.000+08:00

the weather was so hot(35 C), there was nary a cloud in the sky, which makes for great photography but bad for skin.i love this shot with the wedding couples and the teenage couple juxtaposed on the bridge of love.

2006-08-14T02:27:00.000+08:00

we took a boat to the danshui main night area, and also to the pali wharf, which had a really nice boardwalk.i remember chomping on squid, scallop and butterfly shaped ham chim peng for dinner.

2006-08-14T02:22:00.000+08:00

on the last few days we were there (sun 29th jul) Ah Yi took out her car and drove us for a special guided tour of her own alma mater, National Taiwan University.

2006-08-14T02:19:00.000+08:00

this is national taiwan university(NTU), the best uni in the whole taiwan, where students SLOG away their entire life just to get in.the grounds are so beautiful, even people take wedding photos there.Also, the history is so rich.e hostel where dora's parents stayed at in their uni days are still there! brick for brick.

2006-08-14T02:15:00.000+08:00

this is a pic of our wonderful host during out stay in taipei.thanks so much ah yi.

2006-08-14T02:13:00.000+08:00

our kind and gracious host also brought us to a 30+ yr old mango ice shop opposite NTU.the mango ice here looks deceptively ordinary, however e mangoes are stewed before a scoop of it is placed on a bed of ice w generous lashings of condensed milk.yummy!

2006-08-14T02:09:00.000+08:00

of course a trip to taipei is not complete without buying back some of their famed instant noodles with real beef.

2006-08-14T02:06:00.000+08:00

buying 48 packets of the tasty instant noodles altogether.34 were dora's.

2006-08-13T00:58:00.000+08:00

shopaholics anonymous

no pictures of the damage i did in taipei (because the camera has not enough memory space), words will suffice.

in descending order:

10 x new, low-rise underwear
7 x pairs of earrings
2 x pairs of cute shoes
2 x retro vintage hairbands
1 x vintage Tinkerbell t shirt (Tinkerbell brings out the bimbo in me)
1 x striped halter, american eagle
1 x navy cuffed shorts with polka dot buttons
1 x polka dot dress
1 x adidas sweater(v.comfy and most expensive buy)
1 x brown Abercrombie cap (which i DROPPED and LOST in the taxi to CKS airport)

hey i think e damage was pretty alright/reasonable ok, plus i bought alot of foodstuffs/clothes for my family.everyone got a new t shirt, and the sisters got whole new outfits okay.

will blog abt taipei soon! when i get more pics frm dory.i miss her and wei so much after slping tog in what seemed like an endless sleepover for 8 nights, 9 days.thanks for for tolerating my crap/nonsense.and we got to know so much more abt each other, like weilin likes depeche mode.dory must finish all her food.weilin takes half an hour to shower.dory kicks in her sleep.when i first went back to sing.i couldnt sleep cos it was so lonely =)

photoblog when i set pictures in order.

2006-08-12T02:54:00.000+08:00

social science camp photos! i had so much fun being involved =) eating rochor tau hway at night, gossiping, bullying the newbies.hee.

2006-08-12T02:52:00.001+08:00

making them dress up as a family, cross gender style.

2006-08-12T02:52:00.000+08:00

clockwise: making them play stupid games, proposing infront of PS, eating breakfast at killiney.

2006-08-12T01:28:00.000+08:00

a mother post
one of the things about having a fantastic cook for a mother is her fussiness about food/eating out.

my mother 's cooking experience is honed frm 20 years cooking for her family.from having my dad to teach her how to cook rice, she's now extremely good at those deceptively simple homecooked chinese dishes.

this fastidiousness about food has passed on to me (though i have a loog way to go before her culinary skills are passed down as well), and i often recoil in horror at my inner aunty who turns up her nose at soft fried rice (fried rice must never be soft, the grains of rice have to be slight undercooked b4 frying), who makes a mental note to bring a ton of dried scallops w me on exchange to flavour soups/veg.

but i digress.

today we lunched at Soup Spoon on a whim, because after consuming 12 bowls of soup over the last year i got a free large bowl, and we ordered Meatless Minestrone which looked innocuous enough after she complained on the another previous occasion that Tokyo Chicken Stew was something she could replicate at home (and promptly did the very evening) and Tangy tomato Basil had no ingredients. Now meatless minestrone frm Soup Spoon is thick and chunky with tomatoes..but it also contained parmesan, which my mother absolutely abhors.so she kept saying the soup was so weird, until the last sip when she said she could not take it anymore, i admitted "erm i think there's parmesan inside".

the subsequent fallout made me so guilt-ridden, i treated her to an thai express, hoping to appease her asian palate abased by the parmesan.the mango salad and savoury curry soft shell crab were a tad too sweet.

i say this with affection rather than exasperation, are all chinese/asian mothers like that or just mine?

p/s: on a separate non related note, J's at SMU Circle Experience camp and hasnt contacted me for the last 2 days.Commitment is a CIRCLE (commitmentintegrityrespectcollegialityleadershipexcellence) value.he promised to call every night.bahh!

2006-08-10T01:26:00.000+08:00

mind if i take a look at what's in e goodie bag?

J. brought me to my (and his) first NDP.i was excited at seeing so many people dressed in red and walking toward the stadium.we found the Perfect Row of seats, which was the first row of a new block, so comfy and airyyy and no ah peks blocking our view.

but other than that, NDP did not really inspire me into newfound patriotism, just reminded me of how contrived it is every year.i mean.you can practically predict what comes next, the soppy nation building messages, the cliched stand up for singapore songs.it just all seemed like a mass display of national pride, when the feeling for ur nation really goes much deeper than that.

thankfully, the fireworks and a well stocked goodie bag made up for it.hahaha.

thanks J for getting the tix, and carrying my goodie bag and buying me ice cream, and letting me bully him into waving the flag. :)

2006-08-10T01:23:00.000+08:00

it was the first time J and I have been to an NDP! exciting =)

2006-08-10T01:20:00.000+08:00

of course, the highlight of every NDP is the brilliant display of fireworks, which were so near us i could have inhaled the gun powder.

2006-08-08T02:31:00.000+08:00

an smu student passed away.

jz told me on the ride home frm e airport.

i might know his face, or i might have passed him unknowingly in school.

i'm slightly affected by it even though i didnt know him.reminders that life is so transient just come out of nowhere and pull the carpet from under your feet; make u sit up and think: am i next?

rest in peace, i will pray for ur family.

on a brighter note.taiwan trip was so wonderful..everything was great, the shopping, the food, the compan, the modest yet homely place ah yi kindly hosted us in.taiwan is so beautiful and so..culturally similar i felt i was like returning to my roots.

the holiday has allowed me to let everything go and i feel as uplifted as the glorious peaks of yangmingshan.it really feels like i've re-discovered myself in more ways than one (ok lah shopping was good too).and i don't wanna let go of my newly restored self, which i know school will bury again.

i missed J so much.lovelovelove.he helped me lug my grossly overweight luggage home.think my mom might scream when she wakes up and sees it later.

2006-07-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

social science camp

so exhausted.
it was very very fun, but super exhausted now.

also, i found another mong-in waiting.LOL.more on this later.

J and me..well things in new contexts aren't working v.well..we need more time to adjust etc.sighhhh.

flying off tmr! will try and update when i can =)

2006-07-28T02:44:00.000+08:00

i might regret this later.i might forget it, or take it back, or wonder how i could have ever felt this way.

but in this moment, in my half -sleepiness/insomniac/worrywart state

i love you

so wholeheartedly, beyond my will and reason.

and i want to cling on to this feeling and never let it go, drown and lose myself.

2006-07-26T18:02:00.000+08:00

as a future psychology major, as someone w reasonably decent grades in psychology.

i should know better to do things for intrinsic motivation rather than extrinsic motivation, because eventually the extrinsic motivation fades away.

like gg for socsci camp because J said" let's go together".implications obviously being..we'll see each other, we'll do smthg tog, we'll be able to have fun and be tog at e same time.and also..it means i am largely going because he is.

i think e freshies are weird even b4 i've met them..a few of them asked me.."err so what's e point in meeting up?" a couple sounded damn weird over the phone.ok stop it stop it.i feel the inherent bitchiness emerging.sigh.getting too old to be all hyped up and rahrah..esp when the SESS Level 5 screws up time and time again (hehe.bern's words).

off to change and get ready to go out.

will post pictures.teeheehee.

2006-07-25T00:05:00.000+08:00

been busy at work.yeah right!

reading mostly Mr Wang Bakes Good Karma which is so, so interesting that i read his entire archives, comments, linked websites etc. i agree alot with his observations, particularly the posts of May 2006, the election period.

if only i had such a resource to refer to during my head scratching GP one-track essay days.i'd might have scored better than a B3.haha.

i re-read this off Alfian again, because its so apt in the age of transition i call 21

(he talks about how happiness is something u don't have to think about when ur a child)

Now, happiness is something I keep wanting to possess, and when I am ephemerally graced by its visit I have to take a breather, I have to relish it, make it last, make it stay a second longer at least, if nothing else. I have to keep telling to myself when I'm happy that I am happy. I keep collecting the tiny twists of fate in a day, the lucky escapes, the serendipities, the unexpected phone calls, the untrophied accomplishments, and at the end of the day I add them up, I wait to see whether the tea leaves will spell happiness.

2006-07-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

sometimes i resent being chinese, and its so conflicting.

i don't when J tells me i hold my chopsticks the 'wrong way'.or he says(or rather anyone says) that not speaking good chinese is evidence that i'm not chinese enough.do i have to wear my ethnicity, culture and values like a badge displayed proudly?

or that because we are chinese that our elders are to be respected no matter what.i think its just an excuse to impose the dominant ways of the male patriarchy on females.

i don't like being chinese in the way it is associated with being mercenary.where if ur rich, you automatically gain respect, you've already been seen as having succeeded in life.too bad..there's not enough of it to go around.

and the worst of all, SAVING FACE.damnit.

and yet being chinese is something i can never run away from.eating rice.automatic deference to elders (even when its unjustified).wanting to make lots of money(when actually doing it is another thing).feeling proud when i remember how to say this in chinese.liking chinese new year for all its age old significance and red packets.

2006-07-22T01:10:00.000+08:00

we're the wannabe caderas.happy birthday esther!

2006-07-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

so so sleeepy.

such a hot and sweltering day!
and so boring too.

i just realised in the song by Keane, "somewhere only we know" the line "oh sympathy, where have you gone" is actually "oh simple thing, where have you gone".

feeling pissed off.for no apparent reason.blahh.

2006-07-20T15:08:00.000+08:00

i love this angsty relationship song.
frustration with fights start start from nothing, the eventual leaving.

"Its Beginning to Get to Me" Snow Patrol

I want something
That's purer than the water
Like we were

It's not there now
Ineloquence and anger
Are all we have

Like Saturn's rings
An icy loop around me
Too hard to hold

Lash out first
At all the things we don't like
Or understand

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
They're always fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

The answer phone
The lonely sound of your voice
Frozen in time

I only need
The compass that you gave me
To guide me on

And it's beginning to get to me
That I know more of the stars and sea
Than I do of what's in your head
Barely touching in our cold bed

Are you beginning to get get my point
They're always fighting with aching joints
It's doing nothing but tire us out
No one knows what this fight's about

It's so thrilling but also wrong
Don't have to prove that you are so strong
Cos I can carry you on my back
After our enemies attack

I tried to tell you before I left
But I was screaming under my breath
You are the only thing that makes sense
Just ignore all this present tense

We need to feel breathless with love
And not collapse under its weight
I'm gasping for the air to fill
My lungs with everything I've lost

2006-07-19T17:26:00.000+08:00

this website is so funny!
choked on my sugar coated biscuits as i tried to not to giggle too loudly.

i wanna go home and sleep like a baby.
-tired-

2006-07-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

i'd be lost, so lost without you
my fat brown boy is home :)
i missed him so much.
heh.being pathetic here about being 10 days apart from each other.

went to esther's birthday party which was preceded by 3hrs of frustrated present shopping w terry.gawd.i'm the worst present buyer ever.if i get crappy gifts for my birthday i deserve it cos i really am clueless at buying stuff for pple.

now facing another sleepless night.the insomnia is really getting to me.

We hold our breath 'til the morning comes
And at last the sun shines through
But the night's so hard that it seems impossible
But what else can we do?
Goin' on

2006-07-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

i love wikitravel.
fantastic resource for exchange!

2006-07-15T00:34:00.000+08:00

what shape is ur shit today.
i laughed so hard today, its recharged me and made me slightly dizzy with delirium.

i laughed today during a conversation with roti_kaya, finding out how SIMILAR he and my good friend [insert name here] are.i am tempted to post snatches of the hilarious conversation here but i shall save the bulk of it for when i meet [insert name here].

[msn conversation, edited for length and clarity]
rk:stupid sarcastic sue.
s: go stuff a mahjong tile up ur ass.
rk: omg! i cant believe u just said tt! you just totally ruined the innocent image i had of you
s: and ur friends are all 12 yr old girls

my mood was also perceptibly made much better cos today we met up with someone from the wakeboarding association of singapore.i expected him to be some old fuddy guy but it turned it out he was a hot young thing, decked in a brown polo w white and aqua stripes (i like), crucifix ard his neck (religious), extremely tanned complexion (yumyum) nice classy yet sporty watch (affluent).its e day i realised not all wakeboarding guys look like jon.some are really hot stuff.my female colleague S was all puppy-eyed and giggly and ultra attentive.sheesh.ok i stared a few times, but giggly?nahh.i did, however, totally imagine myself asking him out. :P

i worked until 11 today.gargh.they made me be copywriter and write out e damn proposal.but it was ok..cos i made friends w this new colleague J, who is now my ally in the struggle against the trinity of satan :)

i also only ate BK and instant noodles for both meals today and i feel the toxins coursing through my blood.

i also came home to my sis who told me Oprah says "everyone looks at their shit".according to oprah and some nutritionist/bowelist on her show, ur faeces should be banana or S-shaped.anything else (pebble-shaped) is bad.
so, what shape is ur shit today?

no of times re-looked at kester's flickr set for pics of J today :3
no. of days til J comes home : 1
no of times Uni called today: 3
no. of signs sent frm up there tt i shld apply for xchange : 1 damn obvious sign.ok i geddit.

2006-07-14T00:55:00.000+08:00

i feel so crappy la nowadays.i think its e internship..

its made me so bitter, i'm hitting the mental age 50/60 v.soon.its like..i'm so cynical and bitter i fear i cannot look at the same idealistic world at the same way.and when people do nice things for me i don't reciprocate sometimes because i can't trust myself to be as nice. i'm filled w so much angst!

i call it the quarter life angst.

i'm glad J went away.it has given our relationship and myself space to breathe and i feel like myself again, after the events tt preceded his leaving.now i can't wait for him to come home, and the 5 msgs he sent me today made me SMILE.esp the "i'm gg to shop for ur presents tmr" one.awwww.i love presents!

to jon&minsy (haha) sorry i always pangseh u guys and co for supper.will make it up to u guys, my sincere apologies, hope all of you are doing fine.

2006-07-14T00:50:00.000+08:00

hey you.

2006-07-13T14:37:00.000+08:00

just came back from sentosa on a recce trip for event, had lunch at delifrance: a hearty sandwich, fruit tart, weird tasting soup and iced lemon tea.argh.hate delifrance...one of the worst mass produced food that they try and pass off as gourmet.

wore my grey jeans and bronze pointy shoes, which now have their tips scratched off by trudging the entire length of siloso beach.omg, you should have seen how many hot guys in boardshorts and sexy bikini clad girls stare at me holding my papers and bag and trying to walk properly without getting too much sand in my shoes.

sigh so tireddd.13 more days to go.
recieved this in the emails tt dora sent to me containing the songs..when she sent them to me a few weeks ago, this paragraph appended just jumped out at me.

(what song is this??)
If you've been there, you know
If you're still there, hang on
We've all dealt our lumps of coal
What you do with it can turn beautiful

p/s also met up with mandy, who's back frm xchange in Barcelona, debs and weilin.it was a riot! we had so much fun.she also got me my lovely green skirt.the-one-jackie-has.thanks!

2006-07-13T01:10:00.000+08:00

i never used to be this indecisive.

psychology theory says that the larger the consequences of your actions, the more cognitive dissonance you feel and hence, the more indecisive you are.

i guess all this indecision is because up to the A levels, i never really thought about life or long term goals beyond that.i never really thought about what i wanna become in the future, i just wanted something to assuage my short term grief over my a level results, and thus i accepted SMU with its promise of smthg different, special.i remember being so happy i got a place in this 'coveted', 'new', program in smu.and now..alot of my passion for studying is lost.i think about how much more academic stuff i could have learnt in nus.

i keep changing course until one day i may end up where i dont want to be.lost alot of 'gut feeling' over the past years.i had no qualms choosing what i loved to do.learning new things i was so passionate about.now am swayed by more "biz stuffs" as a safety net.

all the soul searching/thinking/analysing in the world is not bringing back my gut feeling.

(but then again, psych theory also says ur gut feeling/intuition is only correct when it fits ur reasoning and eventual action)